Your Wife Is PREGNANT...But You Are Not The FATHER

 It's the moments in life that you would like to erase and forget that are most permanently etched into your mind. Those opportunities where you have the choice to do the right thing but become persuaded to do the wrong. Those are the memories that you bury deep and pray you never have a reason to remember. Funny how the things that are placed underground never remain buried. You didn't think it would happen. Not like this. Not now. Not after all those years of having a happy marriage. Your dream careers, your home, your kids, YOUR LOVE?! You never believed it would happen to you. But now the shoe is on the other foot. And you're sitting alone in a dark room engulfed in an alcohol induced haze asking the question...why is YOUR wife pregnant by another man?! You're furious. You're confused. You're hurt. But worst of all you're wallowing in self pity because you know the answer to the question. Your wife is pregnant by another man because of you. It sounds ridiculous and it pains you beyond belief to even acknowledge it but you know it's the correct answer. You set the stage for this play many years ago. But how?!

 You never cheated on her once since you've been married! You loved her diligently every day! You honored the vows! You kept your promise to her! FUCK!!! THE PROMISE!!! You made the promise to never cheat on her again. You promised once ya'll got married you would not touch another woman. You would be loyal to only her. You made that vow so that she wouldn't leave that night. SHIT!!! THAT NIGHT!!! Yeah, she came home early from her trip that night. You never heard her come into the house. Never saw her standing in the doorway. But she saw you. She saw you with that other girl in your bed. And even though ya'll weren't married, ya'll had been engaged for years and that house had become your home. YOU destroyed that home. How ironic is it that years later you walk in on her with another man just like she walked in on you that night with another woman. Irony it seems has an exceptionally cruel since of humor. Because this time you were the one cussing, crying and crushed. The roles were harshly reversed. Now she was the one pleading for you to stay, promising you that she would never cheat again. And you forgave her and you believed her promise. You pretended the affair never happened so you could salvage your marriage, rebuild your home, keep your family together. You buried your feelings because you did love her and you wanted desperately to make your life together last. But then she told you she is pregnant...by him. You have never wanted to strike her until you heard those words leave her lips.

 She hurt you in a way you didn't imagine was possible. But you know your actions years before was the cause that threw out the boomerang and her affair was the effect returning. It's unfortunate that you had to be hurt only to recognize the pain you were causing her to be in. You essentially pushed her into another man's arms. In your heart you believe she never recovered from that night. She never left that doorway. Even though she loved you, she never forgot how much she hated you for betraying her. You have always loved her but you didn't always appreciate her. Now in hind-sight you see that was your greatest mistake. You took her for granted. You never hit her but you abused her daily. You abused her trust. You abused her loyalty because you constantly cheated on her. In a twisted way you figured since she constantly forgave you, it was a pass for you to keep cheating. You didn't care to understand how hurt she must have been after every different female she found out about. You didn't care how her tears eventually dried up because she refused to cry any more. You didn't care, because to you it was just pussy, you didn't love those chicks. You loved her. But it didn't matter because at those moments you didn't love her enough. Can you really curse her for what is happening now. They say a drunk man tells no lies so you know it's true that it is your fault your wife is pregnant and you're not the father. Karma is a muthafucka cause look at you now...suddenly you care.



Be Safe. Be Blessed.
TWIL

Nothing WRONG With SPANKING

 We have all experienced it as parents & care givers or witnessed it as bystanders. A little kid pitching a fit and falling out loudly in the middle of a busy store. Screaming, throwing things or even loudly cussing & hitting...just embarrassing the hell out of whoever they are with. Most folks stop, stare and watch the show. Then there are those bold strangers that offer advice on how to properly "handle" the child's vivid outbursts. As a person seeing this event unfold you may find it entertaining or even irritating. But as a parent or care-giver you understand that this situation is about as nerve wreaking as they come. So what happens next?! How do you keep your calm when your child is testing you AND doing it in a very public setting?! Do you ignore their behavior? Attempt to reason with them?! Put them on timeout? Or do you spank their butt on the spot?! This is the dilemma that many have faced but even fewer can agree on how to resolve. Depending on how you were raised or what you believe works, your methods of child discipline will differ.

 Regardless of what method is used, the goal is the same. To teach your child that every action has a reaction and every choice has a consequence. Parents today are scared to discipline their kids. Too busy trying to be their friends instead of that guiding hand. Without using some form of correction  it becomes almost impossible to raise a child. Now, It seems that recently spanking has become the most debated method but why?! Is spanking as destructive to a child as folks suggest...the real answer...HELL NO!!! Over the years I have acquired experienced insight from having my own butt spanked growing up and spanking the butts of those I have helped to raise. So I am quite confident in saying when used appropriately and done under control spanking can be one of THE BEST FORMS OF DISCIPLINE FOR A CHILD. However, the art of "spanking butts" is very delicate. If utilized properly it won't need to be used to resolve every issue you experience with your sometimes tantrum prone child. It is rarely effective when used as a fear/scare tactic. The main concept that needs to be understood is that it SHOULD NEVER be used during an uncontrollable fit of anger (then it becomes abuse). But spanking can speak the proper language and deliver the message clearly when you have exhausted your own voice repeatedly asking your child to do or not to do something.

 If you choose to use spanking a lot of common sense has to be used as well. The child's age, understanding level and the "crime" must all be taken into consideration. Example you don't spank a two year old because they have an accident in their clothes BUT you can spank a two year if you have repeatedly explained that they don't run away from you while walking in the street and they do it, which almost causes them to get hit by a car. Folks want to lump spanking butts in with child abuse. They wanna tell people it makes kids more aggressive. Well they can say what they want but I grew up on spankings and because of them I developed a healthy respect for my parents and other adults. I spanked my little cousins, nieces and nephews when they acted out in my care and they still love their uncle. And when our daughter deliberate disobeys or disregards us sometimes she gets her butt warmed too but she still kisses and hugs us daily. I learned to be respectful, accept consequences, avoid trouble and make better decisions because of spanking. Spanking butts may seem harsh to others but to me it is a part of my life that has done me more great than harm. I stand firm against abuse whether it be mental or physical and those that engage in child abuse should never be excused. Because there is such a HUGE gap between abuse and spanking, it always confuses me why folks are quick to label them as the same. There is nothing wrong with spanking your kids' butts...tell you the truth if more people got spankings as young kids maybe the world wouldn't have so many inconsiderate asshole adults in it.

Be Safe. Be Blessed.
TWIL

Yes SEX...MATTERS In A Relationship

 SEX!!! I love it! You love it! WE ALL LOVE IT. To be more accurate we all need it too. Not just for procreation reasons but for our relationships to grow and survive. The institution of sex is as old as time itself. It has a force so strong that once you have engaged in the act it affects you both physically and mentally. Through the centuries sex has evolved into an entity all its own. Folks have used sex to gain wealth, power and knowledge. But where the act of sex is most influential is in a relationship. When a person chooses another as worthy enough that special nasty-nasty time becomes almost critical. Having sex in relationships, doesn't mean once you get together you become automatically compatible. In order for both persons to benefit and remain satisfied it takes trust, commitment, communication and most importantly it takes a willing spirit to put in the work it takes to keep sex in a relationship relevant. People underestimate the effects that sex have in a relationship. They get comfortable. They begin to have that "they ain't going nowhere so why work to keep them" mentality...wrong, WRONG!!! The greatest threat to a relationship is complacency and sex in a relationship is no different. The longer a relationship has existed the greater the risk that is has of becoming stale and routine. It's true that over time folks develop habits and a common casualty of these habits is lack of sex. When a couple habitually stops humping regularly the excitement of the horizontal happy dance suffers because the sexing has become habitually predicable.

  It seems that people in a relationship forget about all the freaky naughty stuff they use to do to and for each other. We can lie to ourselves and blame outside forces. We can blame our kids, our careers, our weight gain, our erectile dysfunctions. We can place blame every where it will fit. But the reality is, in a relationship (especially a marriage or long term union) when sex becomes mundane it becomes boring. When it becomes boring it becomes a chore. And lets be honest nobody enjoys doing chores. So why even allow it to get so far past salvageable? So bad we out in the streets screwing around on our mates or wasting our money on Internet porn just to compensate for what we aren't receiving from our partners. Hey, remember when he used to eat your pussy until it was sore and his mouth went dry, now he doesn't even kiss past your chin. Remember when she used to excitedly ride your dick forwards, sideways and backwards until your thighs were chaffed now she just lays quietly on her back waiting for you to finish. Remember those spontaneous encounters on top of the dryer when the kids were outside or those hot passionate quickies in the parking lot on your lunch breaks. You used to have sex at least 3x A DAY now you get some 3x A YEAR...your birthday, Christmas and on your anniversary. What happened to your sex game?! Is the lack of one worth you resenting them? Having your situation destroyed because your sex life is wack?! FUCK THAT!!! You've spent too much time & emotion molding that penis right?! You've invested too much money and effort into that vagina right?! And you refuse to go out like some punk bitch that is scared to step up and make your partner remember why they used to scream out your social, birth-date AND entire government name during a session right?! YOU DAMN RIGHT YOU RIGHT!!!

Excellent...so now that the problem has been identified and the desire to fix it has been found how do you actually go about making sex exciting again and saving your relationship from an agonizing destruction at your own hands?! Glad you asked. Trust. Trust that your partner still wants to be with you. Don't question their loyalty or give them reasons to question yours. Commitment. Remain committed to them and to the idea that it took years to get to this bad place and that it might take years to get back to a good place. Communication. Never be afraid to discuss what your desires, fantasies or general expectations are sexual and be receptive to theirs. A clothed body don't get...well you know. Finally have a working spirit. STOP BEING A DAMN SPECTATOR!!! Put the necessary TIME & EFFORT into practice so that you can star when the game is on the line. Be proactive with implementing fresh ideas and techniques. Work hard to let them know that even though your sex life steadily declined your love and dedication ridiculously increased. Let's keep it real shall we. They haven't cheated, paid a prostitute or gave your cuter brother the freaky eye. So that alone after all these years means they still want to make it work with only you. He doesn't care about all those stretch marks or that you can't put your legs behind your head anymore, he still craves you. She doesn't care that your six pack is now a bulging beer belly or that your wee-wee takes longer to get hard, she still desires you. Make sex relevant again! Rub up against him from behind and massage his ding-a-ling while whispering how sexy he is in his ear. Spend that money and take her shopping, dinner and dancing then blow her back out then hold her till she falls asleep. Yes SEX...matters in a relationship. Don't believe the hype that sex is only important to single men. It is vital to both the physical and psychological well being of BOTH PARTNERS in a relationship. Cause if you forget how important sex is in a relationship you won't be happy or have a long lasting one.


Be Safe. Be Blessed.
TWIL

NIGGER And NIGGA Are Just Words Right?!

 HEY NIGGER! WHAT'S UP MY NIGGA! These two phrases will always receive different reactions and depending on the hue of your skin tone might incite violence or at minimum, quiet whispers and dirty looks. But Nigger & Nigga are just words right?! They hold no more power than other phrases or slang words correct?! If that's true then why is Nigger considered taboo almost blasphemous and Nigga an accepted term of the culture. Before these questions can be answered a look back into the history of both words needs to be made...walk with me and maybe we can shine more light and understanding on this hot button topic. The word NIGGER has its roots in the Latin word Niger and in the Spanish word Negro which both describe the color black. So from its earliest history the variations of the word were meant to describe a particular color. But as with many things in life, big things have small beginnings. Fast forward a couple of hundred years and take a trip from the eastern to the western hemispheres where the extended colonizations of Africa, North America and South America have made the trading of slaves between Europeans, Africans and others (either through prisoners of war, extended indentured service or outright hostile capture) a lucrative monetary opportunity. The trades eventually evolved into the business of slavery and unfortunately human beings (not just black & brown folks) became resources that were treated as property. However even though blacks were not the only slaves, slavery was the birthing place for the term Nigger and that is where the drastic change and applied meaning of Niger/Negro became a derogatory term applied to people of darker skin hues. Brown and black folks were now considered objects and not considered worthy enough to be treated or viewed as equals to their whiter skinned counterparts. So calling a person of brown/black skin hue a Nigger became a common and accepted way for a person of beige/white skin tone to verbally subjugate and demean them.

 The role of slavery in the United States of America created a divide so great that it eventually exploded into a violent Civil War and set in motion the great Civil Rights Movement of the 1950's. The use of the term Nigger became so sickly popular in the United States and is a word that is so deeply cemented in its connection to slavery that it was even ceremoniously buried in a failed attempt to conceal the negative connotations it still carried into the present day. Over the few decades, terms such as Colored and African American quietly attempted to replace Nigger because they were considered to be less offensive but regardless they were still labels to describe and separate brown and black folks from whites. Then the infamous word NIGGA was created. Originally credited to a comedian named Paul Moody the term was used as a punch line in jokes about black folks and black culture. But the world wide exposure of Nigga can be claimed by the hugely popular influence of Hip Hop, more notably Rap music. It was said that it was used as a way to counter the negative emotions associated with Nigger. It was meant to take back the power of the word Negro and turn it into cultural term of endearment. If you were a fan of Rap, especially in the late 80's into the late 90's you would have heard the word Nigga in just about every song. It was so ingrained into the music scene that Tupac Shakur famously said that "N.I.G.G.A. stood for Never Ignorant Getting Goals Accomplished." By the year 2000 it had found it's home in the mouths of an entirely new generation. The term spread rapidly from the hood to the suburbs. It had become so widespread and accepted that even young whites and other non blacks/brown folks used it regularly in their daily conversations. Now with both words spoken in heavy rotation by different generations both privately and publicly the debate between brown and beige people on whether either word is acceptable to use became a frequent discussion point. In the cultural society of the United States of America, it has been generally accepted that people of non-brown/black skin tone should not say Nigger or Nigga without the expectation of receiving some sort of backlash. But why, this is 2012?!

  The racial harmony in the US should be at an all time high...hell a bi-racial man that looks more brown than beige is the elected President. That means we are progressing right?! If we as a people have advanced so far with racial tolerance from the time of legal slavery to electing a bi-racial president why can't a white friend call a black friend Nigger or Nigga and not be ridiculed or labeled an insensitive racist? Why you ask?! The answer is simple...WE AS A PEOPLE HAVE NOT PROGRESSED. As individual persons we have had progressions but as a group of people we are still a long way from racial tolerance and acceptance especially in the US. The wounds inflicted by the history of slavery may have healed but the scars are still visibly ugly. But it's the confusing issue as to why black folks say Nigga to each other but will flip the fuck out screaming "RACISM" if a white person calls them a Nigger. But if Nigger & Nigga are variations of Niger/Negro what's the difference? I guess one could argue that the difference is the intended meaning. But that stance is one that is unbalanced and irresponsible to use. What's that, you need an example?! How's this, as a brown dude if I call another brown dude a Nigga and mean it in a degrading way I just called him a Nigger using a different pronunciation. I meant to offend him but it's not as evident because I'm brown. But if a white dude calls him a cool Nigger and means it as a compliment to him (it has happened) does that same logic work?! Sadly it does not and that is why white folks AND black folks should be leery of using BOTH WORDS. Because as much as people of either skin hue want to condemn or condone the use of Nigger or Nigga the fact is that because of the effects of slavery these words will always hit home personally and evoke negative responses from either side of the human color spectrum. So the next time you refer or hear another person refereed to (regardless if you or they are brown, beige or another hue) as a Nigger or a Nigga consider the perceived meanings of both words. One cannot defend the use of Nigga and ignore the history of the word Nigger. The argument will always be made that NIGGER and NIGGA are just words right?! Yes...they are, but one would be a fool to still think sticks and stones can break bones BUT words will never hurt.


Be Safe. Be Blessed.
TWIL

RESPECT the power of the VAJAYJAY

 There is a spiritual bond between man and vagina. For most boys it begins as innocently as a kiss on the cheek. Followed by the caressing and exploration of the female body parts that he had only seen in magazines or on videos. The awkward feelings of nervousness and excitement combine to create an unfamiliar scene that once experienced, will elevate him from being a boy to becoming a man. That moment of GTD, getting the draws or having sexual intercourse with a woman. When a boy is on the verge of losing his virginity it is rarely an event that he has planned for. Sure he has had plenty of wet dreams and beat off to numerous booty movies but that is the extent of his preparation. He is just so excited that he is finally about to get some tail that he doesn't concern himself with who, where or how special it will be. He doesn't worry about his performance, her reaction or his emotions before or afterwards. His only goal is to successfully persuade the girl to allow him to enter her Slice of Heaven, bust a nut and then leave without the fears of having fathered a child or a catching an STD. Once the deed is done regardless of age or maturity he was ventured into a whole new level of living. He has been granted access into a confusing world populated by the most intelligent, beautiful and dangerous creatures known to mankind. He has sampled the nectar of the sweetest berry and is now under the influence of God's greatest gift and Satan's greatest temptation. He has finally been invited by a woman to stand at the pedestal of Pussy...and he is glad to be in it's presence.

 Now that he has completed one of the three major male milestones of his life (lose virginity, acquire more Hot Buns and father offspring) he now has to make that decision that every man has to make once the Coochie magnet has attracted him. This decision has the power to surround him with great pleasure or inflict great pain not only physically but spiritually on a man's ENTIRE LIFE, so he MUST not make it without great consideration. He has to decide if he will treasure the Pinky Sneaky and use if for good or abuse it by taking it for granted, dishonoring the sacred attachment that allows it to unite man, women and child. Every man inherits the burden of this choice after he dives deep into the Grandest of Canyons. Some carry the burden with dignity and understanding while others are crushed under it's weight of expectations and assumptions. Some men become disillusioned and consumed by the ideal that the Cookie has to be controlled. They waste their whole lives attempting to dominate it and then teach their sons & daughters those behaviors either directly or indirectly. Coupled with the reality that some woman who were trusted to care for this prized possession allow it to come under the ownership of a man, who was never meant to wield it's power, end up destroying the preciousness of the Punani. These factors can force the man to go against his natural instinct to value the Love Box. His thought process is altered and his choice to disrespect the Snapper gains more support because he believes after watching her treatment of it that if she doesn't cherish the Holiest of Holies...then why should he?!

 So not only is his respect of the The Notorious V.A.G. distorted, but also his view of the woman that possesses it. Once he opens Pandora's Pink Box a man forever becomes a slave to it's contents. As much as women are attached to it, it is men who develop a complete dependence on it. The addiction and allure of the Temperamental Tunnel has forced many men who have underestimated it's pull to go from riches to rags. The Velvet Office has caused men to go to war, change their religions and drive sane men into unpredictable bouts of insanity. The Peach Pit has been man's Achilles' heel since the Garden of Eden. Because it is a hellva of drug, a man can become so intoxicated in his pursuit of the Pride Lands that he doesn't know how to stop man whoring. However it IS possible for a man be in love and remain committed to a single Love Cushion. But again as with everything in his life it is all about CHOICE. He can either play penis Russian Roulette with various women while fathering many kids or develop a meaningful and lasting relationship with one women and her Kitty Kat. But in the end it's the men that comprehend the love/hate relationship of the Nappy Dugout that are the same ones that end up valuing and properly using it to raise both himself & her up to their greatest potentials. Regardless of it's ever-evolving description over the centuries, one thing is clear, achieving that elusive understanding of how to proper treat the Mystical Fold is critical to a man's success in life. This wisdom is the foundation he needs to have, so that he can build a strong home of love and live peacefully within in with a woman. Respect the power of the Vajayjay...because with great power comes great responsibility.


Be Safe. Be Blessed.
TWIL

You're MARRIED, So Now What Do You DO?!

 You both wear new matching diamond ring bands. Have beautiful videos & pictures from your honeymoon. AND now you can finally tell your mother & father that you're not shacking up anymore! But after the wedding vows have been spoken, what do they really mean for you. Are you supposed to change who you are? Re-organize your whole life to accommodate the person that you co-signed that legal contract with? Feel, think & behave differently?! Granted each person has varying visions of what marriage is due to their cultural, religious and social beliefs. However the greatest division on how marriage is seen is when it is viewed in the mind of a woman and a man. A woman's view of marriage begins at the proposal. A man's view of marriage begins at his bachelor party. Why?! Because a woman sees marriage as the beginning of new things while a man sees marriage as the end of old things.

 Example?! When a woman tells her mother & girls she is getting married excitement runs rampant! They all hug, scream and cry together. They have a genuine sense of happiness. When a man tells his father & boys that he is getting married the response that follows is universal..."Are you fucking serious?! Why?!" The question is asked not out of doubt, but out of genuine curiosity. Other men understand the realities of marriage for a man and they want to know why he has chosen this path. Think about it. Women will control all details during wedding planning why?! Because she is preparing for her new role of controlling her husband. Men will follow all directions given to him to follow why?! Because he is conditioning himself for his new role of taking directions from his wife. Because a woman realizes the endless possibilities that her new life as a married woman can offer she is super hyped about it. A man suddenly realizes that he will never have sex with different women again and that he is surrendering himself to the mercy of one vagina for the rest of his adult life and he becomes nervous about that notion.

 But don't let that scare you off on the idea of marriage...marriage is actually the shit IF both partners are on the same page. A woman marries that one man who she believes is committed to making her happy despite any circumstance. A man marries that one woman that he believes he will always be sexually attracted to. The truly cool thing is that because of these and numerous other opposite ways that women and men view marriage those views actually become beneficial tools for the continued success of the union. Women learn to prepare for the future and men learn to accept that the past is gone. Those learned lessons alter the mindset of both parties and allows them to come together and walk the same path. Once the ring-cuffs have been put on. You ARE supposed to change who you are, you're not single anymore, it's called a partnership. You WILL have to re-organize your life to accommodate your co-signer, it's called sacrifice. You SHOULD feel, think & behave differently because your priorities have changed, its called responsibility. You're married, so now what do you do?! It's simple really. Understand and accept that marriage can be a lasting and prosperous business as long as both parties focus on the most important aspects of it...supporting, respecting and loving each other. Do that and you will experience joys and pleasures that extend way past your super freaky wedding night.

Be Safe. Be Blessed.
TWIL

Dreams Of The FATHER That Has No CHILDREN

 I always dreamed of becoming a father, but as cruel as it seems God had other plans for both of our lives. I have known and loved her since middle school. So when she told me she was pregnant the day after our prom I was so excited. Then in the same breath she told me she wasn't ready to be a mother and my heart dropped. She expressed to me that she had plans for her life and right now a baby was not part of them. She said we were both too young and immature to bring a baby into this world. She told me how disappointed our parents would be. How drastically our lives would change. She explained every fear she had about becoming a parent. But in my mind I actually thought we could be good parents. But instead of voicing my views about parenthood, I just held her hands as she cried. With tears streaming down her face she told me she wanted to get an abortion. As she cried in my arms instead of trying to comfort her, I could only question why she even thought about getting one. I felt maybe she didn't think I was good enough to father her child. Maybe she believed I wouldn't stick around to raise our son. Maybe she knew I wasn't ready to be a father. Maybe she was right. So in the end, I agreed. The procedure was done and we never spoke about it again. I thought I hated her because she robbed me of becoming a father but the truth is I hated myself for not standing up for you. We eventually parted ways and I never saw her again. Sad thing is I will never teach you how to ride a bike or throw a football. I never got the chance to tell you how much I would have loved you. I ask God to forgive me for preventing your entrance into this world. I dream about meeting you in heaven, hoping you will recognize me and embrace me as your father.

  I always dreamed of becoming a father, but as cruel as it seems God had other plans for both of our lives. Our relationship had grown from a drunken one-night stand after a college party, to casual dating, to a solid friendship. We never claimed each other as boy-friend girl-friend but we were always together. We shared our dreams of life after college and vowed to always keep in touch after graduation. Then that night everything changed. We left campus in the middle of the night rushing to the hospital because the cramps were unbearable. They took blood and did an ultrasound. Hours later we learned the cause of the cramps was the miscarriage of the baby we created but never knew was growing in her womb. We never used condoms because we trusted each other and her birth control hadn't failed in over 3 years.  But here we are sitting in a cold exam room being told our baby is gone. The ultrasound showed she was 7 weeks into the pregnancy. I watch her slowly rub your picture crying silent tears. I see the hurt in her face. Life is gone from her womb. She never blamed me but somehow I felt responsible. Maybe if I had taken our relationship more serious, made it more than just casual sex we could have started a family. She told me maybe it was God's way of telling us to value our lives and stop being so reckless with them. Maybe she was right. We both changed that night and eventually grew apart. The time we shared together slowly dwindled until we only saw each other in passing on the yard. I broke our vow cause we haven't spoke since graduation. I dream of you playing with your older brother on a slide in heaven, laughing cheerfully. I recognize how happy you both are in heaven, but I would rather have ya'll here on earth with me.

 I always dreamed of becoming a father, but as cruel as it seems God had other plans for both of our lives. On the night of our three year marriage anniversary your mother bursts into our bedroom happily waving two sticks that have small plus signs on them. She jumps onto the bed and into my arms kissing me telling me that I am gonna be a daddy. We are both so excited we call our parents in the middle of the night to share our news. Months pass and we begin the adjustment to our roles of parents. We have finished decorating your bedroom stocking it with clothes and toys. Baby showers and random visits from family and friends keep the excitement of your arrival at an all time high. We have a name picked out but haven't told anyone because that is our gift to share with you. Three days before your mother's due date I ask her to meet me at her favorite restaurant to have a lunch date, the last one before we are eating out with you. Waiting with a basket of roses and your mom's favorite candy I check the clock because our scheduled time has passed. I figure she is just running late and call the cell. A stranger answers sadly telling me that there has been an accident and I need to get to the hospital. I get to the hospital room just in time to hear your mother crying hysterically. The doctor tells me that the impact was too great and the trauma caused you to enter the world as a stillborn. Your mother was strong but your death weakened her tremendously. She cries almost every night mourning you. I am powerless to comfort her it seems. I blame myself because I should have picked her up and drove. I always promised your mother that I would always be there to protect you both. I remember your mom would always say "we will be fine besides you can't always be there you know." Turns out she was right...I failed to protect you when ya'll needed it the most. Now I sleep on the floor in your room most nights, dreaming you are in your crib peacefully sleeping. I wake up to find the bed still neatly made...no indication that you every slept there. I reflect alot on the memories of my children that should be here. But those memories have been replaced with the visions of my children that are not. I have the dreams of a father that has no children.


Be Safe. Be Blessed
TWIL